Quatre's Pregnancy
by Pollo the Chicken Mage
Summary: Just to be sure, I rated it R. It does talk about some freaky stuff in there. For instance, Quatre being pregnant. Please read and review and give me ideas, and should i actually continue this? r&r, thanks


Disclaim: I is here to dislcaim. Own nothing do I. NOTHING!!!  
  
AU: This takes place after endless waltz… and the four gundam boys (wufei died of ebola) live together in an apartment cause they are all friends, each is now 18 or so  
  
Quatre woke up screaming.  
  
"AH!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Trowa rushed into Quatre's room to see what was going on with his friend. His friend was screaming.  
  
"SOMETHING KICKED ME FROM THE INSIDE!!!"  
  
"what?"  
  
"YEAH!!! IT HURT!!!! GET ME SOME ICE CREAM TROWA!!! IM HUNGRY!!!"  
  
"Okay, whatever you say Quatre."  
  
"Oh Trowa, you're so kind to me…"  
  
"Anything for you, Quatre."  
  
"GET ME SOME ICE CREAM!!!! *tear*"  
  
Quatre started crying and Trowa ran off to get some ice cream. The small four bedroom apartment was rather bland with a painting of gray, except for Quatre's bright pink flower decorated walls. Then there was Duo's room. IT was completely black. The bed, the walls, the windows (wait, there were no windows), the everything, the everything else. Yeah, what a dark room.  
  
Heero's room was plain. Trowa's room has circuis equipment littering it. Hey, they needed to make money for Quatre's strange over eating he was going through lately.  
  
With Duo's job at the junkyard he could make as much as 6,000 dollars a day from certain 'on the side' deals. No one would have expected it from him so no one really cared.  
  
As for Heero's job, he was a professional killer. Uh, hunter I mean. Yeah, he bagged some mighty fine animals in his day. His skill ranged from (judging by the plaques on his wall) rabbits, to llamas, to bears, to cows, to gators, to Relena, to anything else.  
  
Quatre's crying soon woke up Duo. He rushed in and also screamed.  
  
"OH MY DEAR LORD!!!! QUATRE IS PREGNANT!!!"  
  
Trowa rushed back in with a bucket of ice cream. It spilled out all over the floor and Quatre was quick to gorge himself.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me, circus boy."  
  
"I guess so, he IS on the tubby side."  
  
"And he has been PMSing a lot."  
  
Quatre spoke up through a mouthful of ice cream.  
  
"I think I should tell you I'm a hermaphrodite."  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Trowa and Duo screamed in unison. At this point, Heero was woken up.  
  
"What is all the racket at two in the morning?"  
  
Heero was sleepy. It was apparent by his sleepy eyes.  
  
"Go put some clothes on, then we will fill you in."  
  
Heero walked out of the room to put something on beside boxers. He re- entered wearing pants.  
  
"More than that."  
  
When Heero entered a third time he was wearing a shirt that said 'Anti Quatre'.  
  
"That's mean, go change."  
  
"Now Trowa, don't make him change if he doesn't want to."  
  
Duo only said that because he found the shirt funny.  
  
"Well, Quatre is going to have a son or daughter." Said Duo.  
  
"Oh really? Who is that father?"  
  
Trowa blurted in.  
  
"hey, just because quatre is gay doesn't mean he has to be the mother!"  
  
"well, gee, I just assumed you know…"  
  
"HEERO!!! TROWA!!! DUO!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!"  
  
Heero laughed and Duo had to speak for him.  
  
"Oh ree-he-he-he-heeeally?"  
  
"I am a self-lover thank you very much."  
  
Duo paused a moment then left the room. A few hurling noises sounded and then a flush. Duo then re-entered a bit smelly. He smelled of PUKE. Cause that's what he did. The first thing Duo said when he came back into the room was…  
  
"But I thought you and Trowa…"  
  
"Oh no. I am NOT gay. Especially not with that crybaby."  
  
Quatre spoke up in a whiny voice…  
  
"But Trowa… I thought we were in love."  
  
"No, Quatre. We are not. Maybe you like me in that way… But I am just a friend."  
  
Duo puked again, this time in Quatre's ice cream. Quatre began to cry.  
  
"You are all so mean! I just want to be your friend! Can't we all be friends? Or more…" He added the last part while drowning out his volume.  
  
This time Heero and Duo left the room to go puke. Fun fun fun.  
  
"GET ME MORE ICE CREAM TROWA!!!"  
  
The night went pretty much like that. No one got any sleep because Quatre kept screaming at Trowa to get him more ice cream. This woke Heero and Duo up a lot so they just lay in their separate rooms.  
  
That whole first month of knowing Quatre was pregnant with his own child went pretty much the same. He kept referring to himself as 'honey bear' though. It was all rather frightening, because everyone knew he was talking to himself.  
  
Quatre was getting really plump around the middle, and he.. or her… well, the shem couldn't stop eating. Maybe it was twins! Then they all realized something.  
  
It was only Quatre's genes that would go into this(or these) children and so they would look almost exactly like Quatre, most likely be stupider, and probably be gay as well. This was a frightening thought for all. Except Quatre.  
  
"Geez, all we need is a whole bunch of chibi Quatres running around and infesting this apartment with homosexuality. Not that I'm bashing that or anything…"  
  
"Heero, we know you hate gay people, so just shut up about it."  
  
"It's not like I would kill them or anything!"  
  
"Well, you DID kill Relena, and SHE was a dike."  
  
"So I killed one. ONE, Duo. I am most definitely not a child murderer!"  
  
"What about Relena's daughter, Heero Jr.?"  
  
"Oh come on! That's not even a real person!"  
  
"That's not what your eyes say!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
Heero quickly tied a blindfold around his eyes, and said to himself 'eyes shall not betray any longer'.  
  
Then all of a sudden Quatre shrieked. From his room where Trowa also was came Trowa's voice.  
  
"HER WATER BROKE!!! I MEAN HIS!! I MEAN…. Damn it! Quatre's water broke!"  
  
And so Heero grabbed the keys to his agencies van (Heero's Round 'Em Up Rodeo Inc. … yes, pest control). Trowa and rather reluctant Duo helped haul the pregnant transvestite down to the van. Doors opened and screamed at the sight of the chubby Quatre, then the doors slammed.  
  
Soon Heero was shooting at drivers in the road while rushing Quatre to the hospital. It was only half and hour before they reached the emergency room. Duo screamed out loud…  
  
"LOOK OUT EVERYONE!!! WE HAVE A PREGNANT HOMOSEXUAL WHO NEEDS TO GIVE BIRTH!!!"  
  
A few people were confused, and others screamed and fled. The emergency doctors came rushing to help Quatre. One of them started questioning Trowa.  
  
"How can a male be pregnant?"  
  
"He is really a transsexual hermaphrodite, pardon the confusion."  
  
"Then how can he be homos…"  
  
"Just get him to the room place!"  
  
The doctors hauled the whining Quatre off. Trowa followed. Heero and Duo slowly snuck outside and left. It was about ten hours later and they received a phone call at their apartment.  
  
"OH COME ON!!! NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SHOW!!!" Heero snappily answered the phone.  
  
"Who is it?!"  
  
"It's me, Trowa."  
  
"Oh, hey. Uh… About earlier… We didn't really MEAN to abandon you there with that baby, Quatre."  
  
"It's okay, he gave birth to twins. One boy, one girl. Actually quite cute little babies in reality…"  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Shut up about the homo's babies."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
Just then Duo opened the door carrying a bag of groceries. Heero put the receiver on his shoulder and quickly questioned Duo.  
  
"Did you grab my beers and Quatre's tampons?"  
  
"Yes to your beers, no to Quatre's tampons. I am not going around buying those. It makes me look whipped or something."  
  
"You are so right. Looks like Trowa is going to have to get them again."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"You got your week's supply of doughnuts I assume."  
  
"Yessiree."  
  
"Now, I have a phone call I have to get back to."  
  
"Alright, I'll have speaks with you later."  
  
Now that the phone had Heero's attention again Duo walked off to his room to chat with Hilde on the internet. Also he would eat doughnuts, which was his main source of food, if the only one at that. He had left Heero's beer on the counter.  
  
"So… What did the little homo name his little homos?"  
  
"Fred and Wilma."  
  
"As in the flintstones?"  
  
"Never occurred to him."  
  
"You should tell him to rename theme. To Heero's Target Number One and Heero's Target Number Two… Or maybe even less harsh names. But definitely less gay names that what he has them named."  
  
In days of peace the gundam boys really had nothing much to do… Which had led them to their current statuses.  
  
"Nah, I think Quatre likes those names."  
  
"Well, Quatre has no sense."  
  
"He has a sense for fashion, and a sense for makeup."  
  
"… He really is showing his feminine side a lot as of late, isn't he?"  
  
"You are telling ME!"  
  
"Yes, why I am."  
  
"Alright, I can go for that."  
  
"Well, I'll see you later tonight when you bring Quatre back with the babies. And don't forget to pick up his tampons."  
  
"But…"  
  
CLICK!  
  
Later that night a cooing Quatre came home with two babies in his (or her) arms. Trowa was behind Quatre with a bag of tampons.  
  
"Duo was supposed to pick these up."  
  
"Well, he didn't want to look whipped."  
  
"And I have to?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess."  
  
"Look at my babies!"  
  
Duo emerged from his room in a minute to look at them. He stuck out his tongue in a disguisted look.  
  
"They look like you! BLEH!!!"  
  
"Aren't they cute?"  
  
"NO"  
  
Duo went and threw up at the sight of the Quatre-like babies. Maybe he should move in with Hilde. Yeah. He would ask her tonight. He DID after all have a liking for her.  
  
Later that night… for the second time…  
  
Duo was emailing Hilde back and forth about arrangements for moving in and when he could get out of his crappy apartment. Tomorrow. Perfect. For tonight she even said he could stay with her. But she only had one bedroom set up and didn't feel right leaving him on her couch… Well, we all know how that is going to end up. They are going to have to share the one bed and sleep on opposite ends. Dur.  
  
OR  
  
What really happened that night after Duo left his apartment so he could stay with Hilde was that they ended up falling for each other and sleeping with one another. And I don't mean that as in sleep. Cause they didn't get much of it.  
  
Now Heero was stuck with a freak clown man and a selfsexual homo who liked himself AND Trowa. Freaky as hell I say.  
  
Trowa was helping Quatre get situated for the night one evening because Quatre was still kind of weird feeling about the operation to get the babies out of him… or her.  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"Yeah? What is it you need. Name it and you've got it."  
  
"Trowa, you're so kind to me."  
  
"Don't let that get to your head, what do you need?"  
  
"I need YOU."  
  
Trowa felt a little uneasy. Then a lightbulb popped up over his head (not for long cause gravity caused it to fall to the floor.  
  
"You ARE part girl, aren't you?"  
  
"Well… yeah… I'll show you just how much I am one."  
  
At about this point the writer wants to discontinue this fic as it is getting a little to yaoi for his liking. Maybe after some reviews and ideas, maybe even the slightest encouragement to actually continue this fic, and more chapters will come. As for now, that's all, folks.  
  
AU: This was freaky. And the freakiest part… I wrote it during the DAY time. 


End file.
